Blah.

Every have one of those days where you just want to hang it up? Admit defeat? Ever have one of those weeks? Or months?

If no, I don’t think we can be friends. Sorry.

On a parenting level, things are going just fine. This week, we had our morning of fighting and hair pulling, but it was immediately followed by an afternoon of playing dress-ups and singing impromptu songs about how much they love each other. These kids are just a little too great sometimes.

It’s at the photography level that things are kind of hitting a rough patch right now. I’m not even talking about the whole “having a business” aspect of things. I’m talking about the technical and creative quality of my images themselves. I’m working on it- I’m alternating between reading forum posts and shooting thousands and thousands of images and fiddling with camera settings nonstop and trying out every piece of advice I get, and looking at blog after blog after blog of other people’s beautiful work that IS at the level I want to be at, but the fact remains- I want to be better and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make that happen. This is in NO WAY some ploy for “ohmygosh, you are such a great photographer, blah blah” type platitudes. I am seriously struggling and having a hard time right now. This morning I texted Nate and told him I decided to become strictly an iphonographer. Slap an instagram filter on that bad boy and call it a day. Just give it up and pay my ridiculous photography school loans every month and try to forget I ever wanted this.

Except I started this 365 project. And I feel like I have quit nearly everything I’ve ever started. And so I should at least keep up with that. But seriously, these issues I’m having are really making me hate life right now.

Guess I just need to watch this video like EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE.

So as tempting as it may be to launch $5000 worth of photography equipment out the window of my office, I guess I’ll just keep on keeping on. I’ll slog through hundreds of images until I get one that makes me remember why I got into this. Why I love this. That I actually am good at this. Sigh.

Oh yeah, and in case you didn’t notice, I moved the blog. I think I outgrew blogger. WordPress lets me have bigger images!

Heather says:

March 2, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Ack. If you ever become an iphonographer I will hunt you down, slap you, and confiscate your iPhone. And I love that video… it’s pretty much how I feel about my writing every single day.

thislemonyogurt says:

March 2, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Haha. Thanks, Heath. Except you’ll get my phone when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.

brandiarndt says:

March 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

Sounds like you’re going through a phase that most (if not all) of us photogs go through. All I can suggest is don’t compare yourself to others (I know it’s tough, but it really does help), and take a break from the forums. I think you’re doing a fantastic job with your 365 – photographing your kids being kids is beautiful!

thislemonyogurt says:

March 3, 2012 at 11:52 am

Thanks. I agree that comparing only leads to more blahhhhhhhhhh.

Forums I try to visit only if I have a VERY SPECIFIC thing I want information on. Because otherwise I tend to swing the opposite way- I realize I’m doing quite alright comparatively and maybe I don’t need to improve after all. Some of them can be helpful, but some of them are the photographic equivalent of watching Toddlers & Tiaras.

Erin says:

March 3, 2012 at 11:31 am

Not just photographers, but all creative types have this. Everyone I know is a better bookmaker/papermaker than I am.

I agree with the not comparing yourself to others… of course its awesome and always good to look at artists who inspire you, and make you want to be a better photographer, buuut dont let that turn into “everyone is better than me, ill just give up”.

sadly Mand, i think this is a lifelong struggle for a lot of artists, even the ones that look perfect haha.

thislemonyogurt says:

March 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

Thanks Er. And it’s not even the comparing that’s making me crazy (well, some of it is, I guess), it’s straight up looking at my work and not loving it. Or even liking it, really. Or I like it content-wise but technically it’s such CRAP.

Which is good, I guess. Because technical skillz can be developed.

Joanne says:

March 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Actually I believe it all has to do with glands. See, as a human, glands produce all of those chemicals in your body and they create all kinds of chemical reactions in your brain which can result in blah. Were we animated skeletons without glands feelings about life would not be a difficulty. Light exposure, food input, chemicals in our environment, the little one growing within you, a bad bit of burrito, all cause changes in our glands.

The miracle of being human and not say, goat, is that you can continue to continue doing things and at some point the glands catch up again and you realize it is all…right.

So, I blame it on glands. 🙂

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