A couple of weeks ago, I made a post about getting my lazy ass in gear, and it was… not well received. To the point that I took it down. Most the feedback I got on that post was negative, but not negative toward myself. It sort of felt like everybody thought that Nate was kind of being a dick, and that you’re perfect how you are, grrrrrlfran and the like. There was also concern over my health being the source of my discontent.
So I thought I ‘d clarify.
1. I am quite healthy. My midwife is consistently impressed with my “blood pressure of an athlete” and my thyroid doctor is quite happy with my “stable as a table” tsh levels, and I get outside in the sunlight more than you’d think, even if it isÂ cold as hell. I was super tired all through my first trimester, and so I laid low and napped a lot all fall and early winter, but that doesn’t last forever, you know.
2. I was AGREEING with Nate’s assessment of the situation. I have a problem with follow-through. That’s not being too hard on myself, it’s recognizing an area that can be improved upon.
Which brings me to my next thought. Am I not supposed to try? Is that it? It’s so confusing and irritating. If I put effort into something and do well and feel proud, I’m told I’m too shiny and that I make people feel bad. If I don’t put in effort, then I feel bad. I’m not talking about trying to live up to other people’s expectations, I’m talking about living up to my own expectations.
Let me put it this way- I haven’t had a “real” job in a long time. But I’m pretttttty sure that when somebody works hard at their job, it’s viewed as a good thing. Not that they’re “trying too hard” or that they “need to get a life”. So why, when I work hard at my job, do I feel like I have to apologize? I mean- I love self-deprecation as much as the next guy, but come on. Can I not be serious for a hot minute and say that I have some things I want to work on?
And allow me, if you will, to elaborate exactly what types of lists and accomplishments I hope to… well… accomplish.
Yesterday, instead of fucking around online all morning over coffee as I typically do, I dubbed it-
Monday. Get Shit Done Day.
And I made a list over coffee instead.
As you can see, my lofty ambitious goals include such things as “call to schedule 18-month immunizations for my 20-month old” and “drink water” and “make dinner”.
But guess what? I did get that shit done. And it felt so great that I even got dressed. And cleaned the microwave. And cleared off a counter that was covered in papers.
And fuck it, I’m proud of that. Lame? Probably. Bare minimum? Yeah, just about. But I felt great at the end of yesterday. If this kind of thing becomes a habit, I’ll be thrilled.
And since this is my blog about my life, I’ll continue to share about it here. Monday GSD Day may just have to become a regular feature…